9 years ago

9 years ago we went to church which was held in the park that day. It was all 6 of us together -- then we ate at the Royal Cafe downtown. I remember thinking that I didn't really like that place.

I mowed the lawn that day and then I tried to pull the mower onto a trailor for Dad to take. I didn't know where the parking brake was so it kinda rolled back down the ramp.  Dad got a hold of it though as I kinda laughed and said "oops."

I also painted my oldest sister's loft boards for her bed because she was moving into college in a couple weeks.  I, however, was moving to the high school in a few weeks.  Dad used some old paint we had to make a mixture of a blue/purple color.  She used those loft boards that year, then my other sister did, and then I also did for my first year at college.  I was always reminded of this day whenever I saw that blue/purple loft.

I remember the details of that day so well. What happened that night would affect my life forever. That night, I talked to a 911 dispatcher explaining how we couldn't wake my dad up after he fell asleep in his chair.  I sat in a car that followed an ambulance to the hospital.  I sat in a room with lots of kleenex boxes as a doctor told us that he was so sorry.  I sat on my bed that night wishing I could fall asleep and that it would all go away when I woke up.
I don't remember the details of the next few days.

There's been many difficult days since then, one of the hardest being my wedding day-- just moments before I walked down the aisle arm-in-arm with my dad's only son.   I'm sure there's more difficult days ahead as I think about telling my kids someday about the grandpa they never got to meet on this earth.  But I am thankful.  Thankful for him and the dad I was blessed with for 14 years. I'm thankful for how God has used this to shape my life and draw me closer to Him.

So much of who I am is because my dad died when I was 14. It prepared me to cope with another major death in my life just 15 months later.  It has taught me to choose to trust God when things are hard. It taught me to choose joy and allow God to work in my life.  It gave me perseverance, character, and hope.  It taught me that hope is the anchor of my soul.  And hope does not disappoint.